Guess who’s back? Back again. Kelly’s back.
Sorry, listening to music while writing and that song has been stuck in my head since I decided to start writing on this blog again. I know I have been gone for 6 months. I apologize. These past few months I took off from not just blogging but pretty much everything. I let people get in my head and I believed them when they made it seem I wasn’t good enough. Before April I was already struggling with not feeling good enough at photography, being a good friend, and just struggling with my own self image. Then I attended a blogging meeting with some other bloggers on base. That day I was on cloud nine because I had just gotten a sponsored post from someone and was excited to share it. Instead of sharing it with the group, I sat there for an hour hearing about how the other women had agents negotiating their sponsored posts and how they were sooooo busy with all of their posts that they had to write because they were just sooooo popular. I left the meeting feeling the lowest I had felt in a long time.
That was the last straw. I pulled back from everything. I stopped really hanging out with people. I didn’t book anymore photography jobs. I stopped blogging. I became a hermit. Yeah I had a pity party for myself for a few months. This base had finally gotten to me. I love Japan and I don’t want to leave but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t counting down the days until I could leave this base.
Most of the people that I have had issues with have thankfully PCSed already or are close to moving. I haven’t written about any of it but this base has so much drama. Can you believe that there use to be a rumor that this blog was a gossip blog I used to talk about people on this base? So often I tried to do something good and it would blow up in my face. People learned that Jeremy and I were the people to call when you needed something but would forget about us when it came going to do something fun.
While I took a break from everyone, I started doing some soul searching. I cut ties with the negative friends and those that only called because they wanted something. I also reflected on my photography. I realized that I was trying too hard to be like the photographers I admired that I wasn’t doing the style of photography that I loved.
You would think that by the age of 34 I would have learned how to put myself first and not trying to bend to please everyone else even when I know that some of those people want nothing but unhappiness for me. I started doing the things that made me happy. I started writing letters to pen pals. I started investing in myself. As I started coming out of my shell again I started reconnecting with friends who were actual friends. I started to remove the negativity from my life. I started getting my confidence back and it was reflecting in the things that I did. I started doing photography again professionally and not just as a hobby.
I know those of y’all that have been following my Facebook page have seen this photo a lot. This is one of my pictures that I have captured since I started getting my confidence back. This photo means so much to me not just because it’s beautiful but because I found out what the lotus symbolizes in different religions. In Buddhism it represents rising above the dirt and muck to achieve enlightenment. White lotus blossoms represent purity of mind and spirit. Buddhism and the Ancient Egyptians thought that the lotus represented rebirth. To me, this was a sign that I was going down the right road with my changes. Because of this, I have made the lotus a prominent symbol in my photography business and for this blog as a reminder to myself of what I can achieve when I am true to myself.
I feel happier now. Things are starting to click in my life and I’m excited to see where things go. One of the things I missed while I took my break, was blogging. But I am fixing that now. I am back to blogging and sharing adventures with y’all. Jeremy and I have some adventures lined up and some past ones that we can’t wait to share with you. So stay tuned.
***After I had written this post, Facebook sent me a reminder of a post from 3 years ago. The picture I had shared three years seemed fitting for this post.